So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
