I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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