She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Randomize
