Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
