just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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