You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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