He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
