these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
