fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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