well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
