just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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