I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
