Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
