The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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