Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
