he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
