Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
