So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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