You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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