my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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