Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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