Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
So apparently I’m into choking now
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