tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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