Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize