We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize