You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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