I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
