it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
