Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
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You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
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Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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