Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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