I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
