"it" just moved
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
