I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
