I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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