I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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