My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
