omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
