WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
As shirtless as possible
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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