Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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