I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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