I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
