someone get that fucking seahorse.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
