well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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