He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
