I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
