the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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