I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
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We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
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I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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