The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
