Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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