Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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