look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
