I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
