I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
