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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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