Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
True strength comes from lack of pants
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
